My blog and His blog

So I am finally starting a blog.

This idea had been inside my head, since Lauren told me that my life is too dramatic to be wasted. I bet if someone took all the drama I went though last year, it would make a best seller, easily.

But what actually inspired me to start writing today, out of all the days, is after reading Mickey's own blog dating back to the 08.

Funny thing is, we just had a serious conversation last night about one of his ex. I know most girls would be apprehensive hearing details about a boyfriend's past relationship, but I was extremely excited.

Even giddy.

So today, I finally muster up the courage and dug deep into his facebook. Before me lays his twitter account and his blog.

Of course, one should not rush into these kind of things. I logged of my facebook, twitter, anything that could leave traces indicating I was reading his blog. Then, I was ready.

First, from what I can gather, the blog was started in 08/09 as communication/journal/diary for Mickey and T. Very cute, and almost innocent, I noted. I wonder if he will do the same thing in our relationship?

Of course, there were few posts that pertain to nothing of no value, I just skimmed over those and finally we are at one entry regarding how they meet.

So T and Mickey actually first started talking on facebook, the same way we started talking, amazingly. However, unlike me who actually thought it's weird talking to someone you have never meet, T and Mickey exchanged numbers and started to text constantly for about a month.

One part was particularly funny. He had to sneak out of his house, because he texted her so much, he maxed out on his texting plan. At the end of his entry, he re-wrote her name 50 times.

Being the nosy person I am, I checked the date when they first started dating and the date of the entry. Only TWO month apart, I have to admit they moved way faster than we did. Sigh, I guess it can't be helped. Young Love.

The next entry is actually her response to his previous posting. T complemented him on his blog, design, said some really cute things that even made me twitch. One thing I admire about this girl, she is obviously much better at complementing him than I am. Something to take away from all of this.

Then he admitted he is wavering on his goal of coming to study abroad in the U.S.

I am shocked to say the least! Mickey as I know him, is very logical and mature. But giving up coming here for a girl? a girl that he didn't even date yet? Shocking.

(I am translating this, so it might sounds strange)

I am going to study abroad in the U.S, It used to be a strong thought,

But recently it's diminishing day by day, because I began to fall for you,

Don't want to be apart, whenever this comes up in my mind,

I always feel so down........ If two people are really want to be together,

nothing in the outside world can interrupt two beating hearts

At this point, I must admit I am a little jealous. Even though he assured me that I am the second girl he has ever gotten serious about, I can't help but to compare our relationship to theirs.

He is willing to make this kind of commitment before even dating T.... bothers me a little. But back on track!

Then he described how they became official, and such.

The next entry is a picture. It appears to be nighttime, while a giant lite up ferris wheel in the background, while two teddy bear holding hands are in the forefront of the picture.

At this point, actually I don't know how to describe how I feel. She is his first love, but it's also the past.

If we know the ending, will we still choose this path?

The answer is of course.

If I think about it, it is not like me, but I can do this now. But this type of situation will only be for you T, there will never be a second one. This I can promise!.....

I have to admit, I used to play around, but now I am serious.....

Now, I can really do it. Because you are all I need.

Eventhough I am afraid I will fall deeper for you as days goes by, but I am willing.

Because I know I love you.

Don't want to lose you. Forever.

Should I be jealous and mad?

Jealous and mad about an ex from the past and their relationship details is just ridiculous. So not my style.

But if I am to be honest and say I feel zero resentment is also a lie.

Next few entry is regarding them breaking up. I don't want to go too deep into it. But pretty much, another guy is involved and she refuse to show him her phone.

Poor girl, this is where you made your mistake. First, I can say with certainty that he has trust issues.

Second, refusing to show him your phone is like pouring gas on top of burning fire.

Finally, after he walked out on you, you said you lost faith in him.

I am not here to judge, but if you started the misunderstand, you have to be the one to fix it. Don't expect the guy crawling back to you everytime.

Now, I understand why he is so insecure about himself, about me, and about our relationship. Now, I have to clean up your mess. Now, I can't hang out with my best guy friend because of you.

Girl, YOU MESSED UP.

But speaking from a not-crazy-with-jealousy-girlfriend point of view, they should get back together. It's obvious how much he loved her.

I am not going to go over rest of the entries, but pretty much he got a rebound girlfriend until he came here. In the last entry, he mentions for some reason, he is mixed about going back home.

Hopefully the reason was me.

I am feeling pretty conflicted. At first, I was extremely happy because his blog really offered a deeper insight of him that we never talk about.

But as I re-read his entries, how much he loved his ex really started to bother me. I know it shouldn't.

Trust me, even my own grandmother called me cold blooded.

But it still does.

What bothers me the most is not the lovey-dovey heart felt word, but rather the smaller details.

Maybe it's the small J♥T at the end of each post

Maybe it's the P.S T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T

Maybe it's the teddy bears that represents their relationship

Maybe I am not as strong and emotion-less as I thought.

Maybe it's everything

I am talking to him now, on skype.

Of couse, nothing will ever be said to him.

Just between you and me

:)

Jane 6/13/11