Marriage and Relationship

It started out innocently enough with me asking about his day. Then for some reason it took a wrong turn with a few extra spin at the end.

Before you read this, let me assure you I am not some kind of weirdo that is looking for marriage. I mean, I am only 20.

Plenty of time left before finding Mr. Right.

But hopfully if this is your boyfriend, you are going to agree with me that i have the right to be worried.

Me: Of course I like you, but I don't know, because I have never been in love.

M: .... Looks like I am not charismatic enough

I will make you fall in love with me

Me: haha, don't be like that. Think carefully. Because I think I can only love one person. Other people will be Liked and Appreciated.

M: Why is the person you love have to be the person you marry?

I defiantly not going to be.

Me: hmm? why?

M: you merry someone that loves you, and date someone that you love

Me: what kind of logic is that?!!!

M: I am defiantly going to be like that.

Marriage and dating can't be put together in the same categories.

Me: Some people say that, but I don't understand

M: I have some understanding,

So I am preparing mentally

Therefore, I think after I get marriage I will likely cheat

............. blah blah blah

M: Why is that so out of the ordinary? A lot of people are not faithful

I know what I am doing, trust me.

Me: I am losing faith that we can still be together, too much mental differences

M: Trust me, I am defiantly 100% serious with you!!!

I promise.

Me: if you are playing around, I think that's it for us, I can't be in a relationship with no sincerity and no emotion investment.

M: you think I am not investing?

Me: I am tired now, going to bed.

So before you guys get all rilled up about how he is a cheating bastard, let me assure you,

One of the most important reason that I am dating him right now is that he is very traditional.

AKA everything is PG-13.

Funny story is that I have actually heard of two girls that tried to have a one-night-stand with him.

Of course I had to ask why didn't he do it.

Mickey said a very serious tone," I am afraid to ruin my reputation. Then I won't be able to find a nice girl."

I just had to laugh at that. He too was tricked by my appearance.

Let's remember looks doesn't alway match the personality.

I am the definition of this paradox. Weak, doll-like, quiet on the outside did give me certain advantages I suppose.

But enough about me. Back to him.

I was so disturbed by this conversation, I actually didn't sleep well.

What confuses me the most is faithful while you are dating but cheat when you are married?

Is it suppose to be the other way around?

My feeling is like having one question, ten more question pops up when you are trying to answer this one.

Two things that all guys should have whether you are dating them or marriage is; is he treating you well? He is a good person with the right morals?

Honestly, hearing him talk like his is starting to make to doubt his moral.

My friend MYE called, and we talked about it. Actually made me feel a lot better.

Actually he is my cute little sister that is there for me whenever I need emotion support.

Such a good kid.

One thing MYE said really stuck me is that, "you are not going to marry him, why be bothered over it?"

I guess it's true.

Why should I care about what happens after? As long as he is good to me, we are good right?

Wrong.

So here is the list of reasons I came up with:

1. Like I said above, this makes me doubt his moral values.

2. Marriage is committeement, he fact that he is willing to cheat in that kind of serious relationship makes me insecure about our own.

3. It makes me wonder if this is all a game to him. Is he just playing around?

4. I was thinking about putting down my defense but now it's back up.

5. This is all because he is still hurt from his ex. Which I am very frustrated with.

6. I have this secret desire to make every guy I meet/know fall hard for me.

Oh yes, the last one might make no sense to you but it makes perfect sense in my head.

All of these are important, but I just feel so ...... insecure.